EAT SLUGS!
by Mr. Cobrah Thunderer
Summary: Have you ever wondered the bizarre history of that spell that makes people puke gastropods ad nauseam? Well, look no further than this in-depth mockumentary that explains in three installments the life story of Horace Slughorn, what led him to invent this quirky little jinx, how it works, and why exactly it went so badly for Ron? Look no further than EAT SLUGS!


There are many beloved spells in the _Harry Potter_ canon, aren't there? _Expelliarmus, Wingardium Leviosa_ , _Accio,_ _Stupefy, Sectumsempra, Expecto Patronum…_ Everyone has their favorites. All fine incantations in their own right with their own colorful histories and famous uses. But...what if I were to tell you that there was a spell so powerful, so gross that only a secret society hidden within The Wizarding World knew of its very existence? Well, the story kept from readers for ages has finally been revealed. Enjoy!

The spell that has disgusted and annoyed duellists for years has been called many things, but the proper incantation is as follows: _Slugulus Eructo_. Or, as it is known academically, The Slug-Vomiting Charm. There have been debates among its users whether to refer to it as a 'Jinx' or a 'Hex' since its usage has far more negative consequences than a Charm, but since its inventor was also one of its best practitioners, no one really felt obliged to tell him otherwise lest they find themselves on their knees, retching out gastropods.

Now, be warned, the history of this spell is a bit...lengthy so bear in mind that it will take some time to explain this but rest assured that it will all make sense in the end.

The spell's inventor was none other than Professor Horace Eugene Flaccus Slughorn, current Potions Master and Head of Slytherin House at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft & Wizardry. Horace was born on the 28th of April in 1882 to Lucy and David Slughorn, whose family's reputation resided comfortably on the so-called "Sacred Twenty-Eight" of Pure-Blood families.

However, despite growing up in a world of wealth and comfort completely removed from the Muggle world, the young lad harbored no real grudge against non-magical people. Horace himself released a statement upon the release of _The Sacred Twenty-Eight_ on behalf of his family stating that although he and his family were proud of their backgrounds and were very pleased to hear about their inclusion, he found the author's writing "as vicious as it was choppy" and took it upon himself to correct much of the spelling in a satirical article published by _The Daily Prophet_ , the Wizard equivalent of a Twitter war today.

This attitude continued from the moment Horace entered Hogwarts School of Witchcraft & Wizardry in 1892, befriending everyone whether they be Pure-Blood, Muggle-Born, and everywhere in-between, for what truly mattered to Horace was their abilities or accomplishments. Achieving the titles of Prefect and Head Boy along with a awards for special services to The School for curing then-headmaster Phineas Nigellus Black of a crippling hangover via Pepperup Potion, it was clear that Horace's hungry young mind and burning ambition would lead to great things to come, and Phineas Nigellus' liver could only take so much.

But perhaps what motivated Horace the most to do well was the company he kept, for he was considered a valuable member of the "Founder's Four" circa the nineteenth century. For readers who are not familiar with this phenomenon, a "Founder's Four" occurs when four students of Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and Slytherin House respectively come together and each go on to do wonders for the glory in the spirit of the Hogwarts Founders or The United Kingdom as a whole.

The Founder's Four of Horace's generation was made up of three Wizards and one Witch, every single member of which went on to achieve greatness in their own ways. Knowing of this phenomenon, Horace took it upon himself to invite the three most intelligent members of the other three houses to a little get-together at _The Three Broomsticks_ in his Third Year, generously allowing himself to stand in for Slytherin. This proved to be a watershed moment in young Horace's life as Albus Dumbledore, Elphias Doge, and Millicent Bagnold all accepted his invitation for lunch in Hogsmeade on that fateful day.

Not only did he introduce Bagnold to Dumbledore, who would famously work together during You-Know-Who's first reign of terror as leaders of The Order of The Phoenix and Ministry of Magic respectively, but it also served as the first prototype of what would later become Horace's famous "Slug Club." No matter what was going on, the four always made a point to meet every month and discuss their classes, politics, or simply kick back and "get turnt."

As he and his friends all graduated by the turn of the century, Horace spent several years travelling the world and collecting artifacts such as Merlin's Hat in an _Indiana Jones_ -esque fashion for the now-famous _Horace Slughorn Museum of Magical Discovery_. Of course, along the way he bumped elbows with celebrated figures such as Newt Scamander and Bathilda Bagshot, making him the envy of all his Pure-Blood friends.

But alas, as Horace eventually realized after attending the wedding of two of his former classmates, that although his independently wealthy lifestyle may have brought him a great deal of creature comforts, his happiest days were when he was still at school building his social network, so he went to than-headmaster and begged for a job. Luckily, there was an opening for the position of Potions Master, so Horace was given his dream job of grooming young witches and wizards for success and Hogwarts was granted one of their longest-ever tenured Professors.

Even though Horace had more than enough to get by, he was known to often complain loudly about his poor salary (he argued it was more for his peers' sake than his own, the selfless ol' walrus) and often bemoaned the "water closet" that was his office, which upon my inspection proved to be more than adequate for someone seeking to entertain multiple people and live on a daily basis, but hey, who am I to judge?

The students of Hogwarts quickly warmed up to Horace's eccentricities, fondly referring to him as "Ol' Sluggy" or "The Walrus," which pleased Horace to no end. For all of his faults, no one could say he didn't know how to make fun of himself, so he named his little social group of the future elite "The Slug Club" in honor of his honorific title. Soon Slughorn's silly little club became the culture-maker of the Wizarding World, leading to friendships, romances, and the invention of the greatest jinx ever jinxed; **SLUGULUS ERUCTO!**

But the origins will sadly have to be revealed next time on GREAT SPELLS OF WIZARDING HISTORY! Please remember to review and have a great day!

P.S.

And if any of you are wondering why all these students were lining up to have fancy dinners with a middle-aged man, just remember _it was a different time_. Older men were usually considered to be more trustworthy than now. I can assure you nothing even remotely sexual never EVER happened at these parties.

Well, aside from Nymphadora Tonks being conceived.


End file.
